…people test them!
Once you begin living in your truth, a flame is born that attracts all sorts of people. A light will shine in you that some can’t resist. For me, there have been are echoes of my past; chapters of my life I haven’t and do not want to re-visit, as well as personality-types I’ve moved away from.
The characteristics portrayed below are simply not right for me due to my past experiences.
My boundary: Not wanting to spend a lot of time on my phone and/or engaging in conversations that do not add to my life.
What I’ve experienced: People who require constant contact, people who send me numerous Tik Toks/Instagram reels, and people who feel that a daily “How are you?” is meaningful conversation.
[Can we all agree that the sharing of videos is not a substitute for connection?]
My boundary: I am not going to fix you. I will support, but it is not my job to make someone else’s life amazing.
What I’ve experienced: Somber, emotionally slumbering individuals resistant to seeking help for themselves. It is taxing.
My boundary: I do not discuss sex with someone unless we are headed in the direction of becoming partners. Not everyone is entitled to this information. It is okay to have some mystery.
What I’ve experienced: People expressing their kinks without being asked. If you post about about sexual acts on social media*, I’m going to assume you are tacky. While I would I would have found that entertaining and edgy in my 20’s, and would have ignored or played off my discomfort because I wanted so desperately to be liked – I’m approaching 40 years old. Hard pass.
*And it isn’t your line of work.
My boundary: My feelings are not up for debate. I say what I mean.
What I’ve experienced: Passive-aggressive comments and social media posts because my feelings were not in line with someone else’s desires. I said what I said. We can discuss it to understand more, but no one should be trying to change someone else’s mind when they have said no.
I have granted others too much access to me for years and was not discriminating over who I gave my free time and energy to. While I can’t specifically pinpoint why I allowed that for so long, I know it is not realistic or healthy for me. My boundaries are relatively new and they feel good. They feel like a step in the right direction of not settling for what I could easily get and readying myself for people and experiences that will enrich my life.