Looking in the mirror: Hushing my inner critic

**explanation at the bottom of post**

In my quest to get to know myself better and heal the things that need healing…I’ve moved on to the Throat Chakra and am taking my time with it.

There was a chapter in my life where I was boisterously outspoken. On the positive end, I appeared fun and confident. On the negative, I was a gigantic bitch with a chip on her shoulder. No one [my age] may have guessed that my inner dialog was unpleasant, but maybe all those more experienced than I saw through my bravado. Regardless of how much I loved to fight, I’d never have spoken to anyone the way I was speaking to myself on a daily basis.

While I outwardly calmed down in my 30’s, my inner voice became harsher. I’m older. Weary. Less sure about the world around me and what I know as truth. The truth is fluid and largely dependent on one’s perspective – given this, my hunger for debates or arguments has waned.

With the world as confusing and complicated that it is, the least I can do is not beat myself up over who I think I should be or what I think I should say and do. I can forgive all the faux pas that taught me so much and I can stop talking to myself like I’m a gigantic, incompetent asshole. This is what I’m currently working on – flipping the script and talking to myself lovingly, with honor and respect.

**Okay, so what’s up with the photo? These are 3 of the 6 Throat Chakra themed candles I made for The Grounded Goddess shop on Jay Street, Schenectady. I’m enjoying making Chakra candles that walk side-by-side with my journey.

Healing and getting to know myself – starting at the Root.

I can pinpoint exactly when my life shifted into a better gear: it was the morning immediately after I attended the journaling and meditation workshop I mentioned HERE. I woke up early and the first thing I did was reach for a recently gifted journal to write.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t just recording events or ranting – I was diving into something much deeper. I didn’t know it right then and can’t realize the full extent of it now, but I can see and feel the rippling effects of it. Journaling has helped me begin the process of getting to know myself.

I also purchased a beginner’s book called “The Ultimate Guide to Chakras” by Athena Perrakis, Ph. D. , as these were mentioned in the workshop and I was curious. I had been feeling emotionally off-balance for so long and didn’t want to go back to relying on pharmaceuticals to reconnect. The book starts with the Earth Star Chakra and moves upward; the second Chakra being the Root Chakra. This is where the book began making sense to me – when I read the symptoms of an unbalanced Root, I related to them. Using my own words, I was ‘spinning in circles’ with just about everything, unsettled in my relationships with others, wildly swinging between joy and despair, and frustrated with feelings of lack of progress, no matter how hard I tried.

While I’ve since moved on with my learning of the Chakras, I wanted to celebrate the progress I am making in getting to know myself, plugging back in to my life, and finding the ground. I wanted to revisit the Root Chakra with my latest series of candles for the Grounded Goddess in Schenectady.

Browns to represent the earth, with flashes of vibrant red for strength. The candles are scented with clove, which is said to be protective, an attraction of what you seek, and helps to connect with feelings of love and safety from childhood (says Athena Perrakis, Ph.D, in The Ultimate Guide to Chakras, pg. 51). Lastly, these candles will be topped with tumbled red jasper pieces.

I can’t express how much better I’ve been feeling since that day where I picked up my journal and began. I look forward to writing – to finding a deeper understanding of myself which, in turn, has helped me give others a bit more grace. I feel like I’m making progress, while realizing the journey is on-going.