**I’m comin’ with the Bad Bitch Magic** Going with the flow for the rest of 2022.

I’ve had a lot of time to sit and reflect since my last blog. Basically, the past few years have been “doing too much”. There has been too much turmoil, change, and activities.

There are three large changes happening in my life right now: My father is getting re-married. I am moving two weeks before the wedding date. This is due an amicable decision between my wife and I to separate. All three have their happy and sad parts.

My focus has been the continuation of the decluttering I started earlier this year, locating a place that would allow me to keep my dogs (one of which being on the “restricted breed” list), packing, getting my finances in order, and purchasing things I will need to start my own household.

However, I’ve still made the time to continue to create art. My latest series of candles that are now at the Grounded Goddess in Schenectady speak to me reaching inside myself to pull my spirit up and out of the funk and chaos my life has been in over the past few years.

Also influenced by “Abracadabra” by Qveen Herby

It’s a grasp to retain power and a good attitude to move forward because not all change is bad. It’s me taking back my life and making conscious decisions of what I will, won’t, and want to do. I hope these resonate with people.

While I never would have expected my father to remarry 14 months after my mother’s death, his fiancĂ©e is lovely and she’s a great fit for him. Not only that, he is more alive now than he has been in a long time. I am genuinely happy for them and their future together and am looking forward to their wedding day.

I suppose I saw my separation coming at some point, but I continued to think if we worked on it, it’d all be okay. I also had convinced myself that much of the issues stemmed from me being a solitary, selfish person. However, once we decided to separate and live in different households, a weight lifted. We went back to being friends and having some fun together. This makes the heartache of a separation and a move worth it.

I would not have guessed that 2022 would be so transformative. I would only cause myself suffering to resist the upcoming changes so I decided to just go with it a few weeks ago. Embrace the different. Embrace the weird. Embrace the idea that I’m in my late 30’s, soon to be twice-divorced and single, living in an apartment complex, and having a new step-mother and 5 step-siblings.

How do I get through the loss of a parent?

In my last post, I shared that my mother passed away.

I have been plodding along at a slower pace since then and although I have my moments of sadness and anger (the latter being in situations that do not generally call for it), I feel I am doing pretty well. My counselor had suggested reading up on grief, in case I was someone who needed to identify and label feelings. I have not done so. I don’t feel I need to put whatever emotion I may be experiencing into a box. I don’t need it to make sense. It can just be – in whatever form it is in.

While I have kept myself busy, I have not kept myself too busy. I haven’t plunged into any new hobbies nor habits to pass the time. I’ve made it a point to be quiet, yes, but I’ve also gone out and had fun. Between a vacation to the beach, the ordering of a new bicycle, the long weekends at an AirBnB planned in the near future with my wife, a craft show the weekend after next, bike rides alone and with others, reading of books, fetch with the dogs, dinners with my dad, and the usual things like chores, work, and home-life…I have a lot of good and positive things going on. Due to all of this and despite the weight of the last few days of her life and the whirlwind days that followed, I know I will make it through the rest of my life just fine.

By appreciating the good things going on in the here, now, and in the future – I believe this is how I will make it through her passing. I don’t need an article to explain this to me; I’ve been doing it without much effort. I think this is what being quiet has shown me – my mind and body knows the way and all I need to do is not struggle or force anything.

My mom’s last coherent words to me were “keep your faith”. I will, mom, and I’ll see you on the other side. But for now? There’s so much amazing left in this world that I want to experience.