What can $450 do?

I’ve taken about 75% of the career coaching courses and have reviewed the first draft of my new resume, along with a few paragraphs of notations. (Please see my last post.) My biggest takeaway is that I spent $450 to realize that I am not a career-oriented person.

I don’t understand the trending lingo or the need to prove my productivity using percentages and values I don’t have access to (although my wife says to just make it up). I don’t hold any specialty certifications, nor do I have any accomplishments I can apparently quantify in a resume that will stand out among the masses. However, I’m confident in my ability to speak and relate to people. All I need is a real conversation.

But the thing is ~ I’m not built to be married to a career, nor am I highly motivated to drastically increase the revenue streams of the already well-off. The truth is I’d rather use that energy to build something for myself, like building my Davis Made brand and expanding brick-and-mortar sales locations. Or, engage in an activity that creates a tangible result, such as having our vegetable garden supply all of the veggies we need to eat for the year, or ridding our house of the dust and spiderwebs. It took me $450 to realize how unmotivated I am to fuel the dreams of others when I have my own agenda.

Being as productive as I have been for so many years, it’s a bit of a shock for me to realize that a standard career isn’t what I want. I’m going to continue to work on sharpening my resume, learning about myself and figuring out what it is that I want. I know what I don’t want – and that’s to be caught up in the rat race where all that matters is money.

So I’m chewing on all of this and likely will for a bit. Almost like Facebook is listening to my inner-most thoughts, I ran across this art installation entitled “Can’t Help Myself” while scrolling today:

A more formal take on this piece can be found HERE.

It feels like it was on purpose that I stumbled across this when I did. It’s haunting, beautiful, and so relevant in how I see people managing their lives while trying to find a balance between that life and what needs to be done to afford it. I’ve wasted so much energy in my adulthood chasing things that didn’t matter and giving people who didn’t deserve it access to me, much like this machine spending years trying to keep its shit together, only to not even need any of that shit ~ because it ran on electricity, not on the fluid it was programmed to try and keep pushing into itself to survive.

So, what can one buy with $450? I can tell you what I’m beginning to see I bought – realizations about myself and my goals. Fuel for my journaling. The understanding that, career-wise, I may be a square peg in a world of round holes. Motivation and inspiration to grow and learn more about the things that bring me happiness. The clarity of what my priorities are and the beginnings of brainstorming of how I can preserve them better in a world that is constantly pushing and pulling at my concentration.

“The best way to find out what we really need is to get rid of what we don’t.” – Marie Kondo

The past couple of weeks have been challenging for me because I fell into a cycle of restlessness and interrupted sleep patterns. As mentioned in my last post, sleep deprivation increases my anxiety and my anxiety increases my sleep deprivation.

In these cycles, I begin to fixate on things. I refer to it as “spinning” because the same handful of thoughts will circulate around until something breaks it. The interruption can be as simple as acknowledging it out loud it or taking action. An example of the latter would be if there’s a project left unfinished…just finish it. Even if that project isn’t a priority or even a part of what is bothering you, sometimes completing that one thing feels like a balm on a rash.

So when I began my spinning, I also began my plan of actions.

Although I can’t attack all of my stressors at once, I pick something I can accomplish. Last weekend I finished the majority of decluttering my closet and drawers. I donated a large tote of clothing, shoes, and miscellaneous household goods to my local Salvation Army and kept a small stash of items to resell. Just like most people tend to do, I accumulate items I don’t really need or obtain joy from. A significant part of the prior weekend was making the decision of what to keep and what to pass on.

The result? A much smaller choice of items in my wardrobe which feels like a breath of fresh air, with plenty of room to get creative with each piece’s versatility.

So, this action took care of a physical need. Now on to a mental one.

At times, these spin cycles make me question if I am leading the life I want to lead. This current cycle is one of those. I have had…what can only be scientific classified as…a metric fuck ton…of work stress. This has me questioning if my current field of work is healthy for me or has it become too much. Has the nature of my job changed or have I? [Answer: it’s likely a bit of both.]

Again, I chose to take action. I’m working with a professional resume-writing and career coaching company to revamp and revive my career goals. While it may be taboo to be sharing this because a co-worker or one of my bosses could read this, I am choosing to take this decision as a positive one. I’ve been in my career for just over 17 years and it seems logical that one could feel a bit stale. If I am to stay in my industry, I need to be re-energized and working with a coach can help me re-evaluate my skills and set career goals. As in, sometimes we need an outside source to remind us of what we bring to the table and what we have the potential to bring.

Alternatively, if I do begin a different path, I need to see how my experience translates with the current trends and the confidence to take that leap. This is why I feel my decision to work with a professional on this is a win/win situation. No matter the outcome, it should improve my situation. Instead of sitting in that pool of frustration, I’m doing something about it and, as it usually does, it’s gotta start from within.

If you can relate to any of this, please leave me a comment below! If you feel comfortable, share a way you get through your ‘spin’ cycles. One thing I love about blogging is that we never know who is reading. We never know if our one tip or piece of advice can be a saving grace for another.