In quiet moments, I reflect on how different life feels; how different I feel. I am not going to provide the history of the past 4 years – you may certainly check out prior posts for those details – but just since September 2022 I’ve moved past:
- the need for anti-anxiety medication;
- my marijuana habit;
- heartbreak and wondering where my new place was;
- binge eating my feelings.
…and I’ve moved into:
- peace and calm. It has been a few weeks since I’ve felt any anxiety. Anxiety was a daily feeling for me that kept me up at night or made it difficult to keep plans because I was too hyped and overdone;
- mental clarity. I must have been living my life fuzzy-headed for a long time because my brain has been working in ways that feel brand new and pleasantly refreshing;
- healthier eating – abstaining from smoking took away my desire to binge and has shown me what my real appetite is like;
- confidence, satisfaction, acceptance – and love. A healthy, new relationship that came out of nowhere.
It’s like the pieces that were scattered all over the place have been coming together, one or two at a time. Looking at the entire puzzle was overwhelming; I didn’t know where to start the project. Being in a near-constant state of emotional crisis for much of my adulthood was absolutely exhausting. However, here I am at 39, looking back at the steaming wreckage with gratitude. It’s over. I made it. I learned. One stubborn step at a time, one foot over the other over every pile of obstacles for years. Hoarding my [sometimes crazy] thoughts to myself and scratching them out on paper to get them out. If I’m anything, I am resilient.
I had a very strong feeling that 2023 would be an amazing year. I can’t call it a comeback ~ it’s an arrival.
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