Since last summer, my friends have been saying the same thing to me – “Focus on yourself.”
Only this week have I been seriously pondering what this means. I even asked my therapist to help me define it, because it has to mean something beyond weekly foot soaks, daily moisturizing, and staying on top of most of my needs. I’ve always been conscious of remaining physically active, taking care of my mental health, eating [somewhat] healthfully, and engaging in hobbies I enjoy for much of my adulthood. What else is there? Am I missing something?
The examples she gave me were things I have found myself doing without realizing that these are things that fit the “focus on me” ticket.
One: Establishing boundaries. Part of this is vocalizing my wants and needs (which is my recently-prescribed homework). My realization of how important my wants and needs are regardless of their potential inconvenience on others inspired the candle below that says “unapologetic”.
Within the past month, I stood firm on my needs with someone for the first time. I received the expected harsh backlash because this was someone I had always bended for. I don’t think they ever considered how much I had because I have always been quiet about my needs. (Not to be confused with my wants. I do not have a problem talking about random wants, as long as they aren’t important, apparently.) My historical inability to speak up for my needs is not their fault; however, I am not going to apologize about them.
[[My “unapologetic” candles are available at The Grounded Goddess in Schenectady, NY. They feature a lemon scent and tiger’s eye – channeling the Solar Plexus Chakra.]]
The “calm the f-ck down” and “chill the f-ck out” candles came shortly after the “unapologetic” because I have another big life change to share, which is –
Two: I quit smoking weed. It has been 17 days now and days 6-10/11 were very difficult for me. My anxiety was as high as it was when I stopped taking Xanax last fall and I was edgy, moody, and unsettled. So why not make lavender and sage candles to help me get through that? [[Also available at The Grounded Goddess.]]
Side note: All of my candles are made using American Soy Organics wax. I’ve found this particular wax to be the best when it comes to an even melt. For wicks, I am partial to these.
Thankfully the worst symptoms appear to be over. I am excited to take on this new chapter of life and see where my anxiety levels really fall. I hope to dedicate a blog post to just this in the near future – perhaps after 30 days have passed.
Three: Another way I’ve been “focusing on me” is…nesting like a motherfucker. I’ve been doing this since I moved here just before fall, but spring has given a delicious tease in Upstate, New York, and I’ve been looking at my apartment’s patio like I want to ask it for its phone number.
While I have had patios and backyards before, I haven’t been in charge of what it would be. I now have this little space that I can do what I want with. Here is what I am starting with:
Once it’s all set up I will share more photos. Currently I have put a patio rug down and hung the black metal plant holders you see in the upper-right hand corner. I also purchased a few planters for the herbs, lettuce, and green beans I want to plant this year. I thought I’d be planting more but after serious consideration I realized I didn’t want to set myself up for more work than I already have.
Coming in the mail this week will be an amazing chair and privacy fencing. I really wanted to create a serene and peaceful space for me to sit out with the dogs and read or visit with friends. A place that is just mine.
So, all of the hibernating I have done this winter feels like it is paying off. I’m sitting here now feeling inspired, motivated, and hopeful.
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