Words of Advice for a Younger Me

Me at around 4 years old with my mother and Bonkers, my Dalmatian

This blog post has been circling my brain for about a month now ~ perhaps it’s the fact that later this month I’m turning 39. I’ve been thinking about what I would tell my younger self and some of it is serious, some of it isn’t.

Here’s a free-flow of my immediate thoughts:

1. Stacey, you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s feelings except for your own. Stop worrying about who you will hurt with your honesty; if you love them, they deserve your truth and it’s up to them how they process it.
2. Stacey, life isn’t a list of boxes to check off with a prize at the end for completion. You don’t need to be married with 2.5 kids, a picket fence around a home in surburbia with a Golden Retriever and a 9-5. It won’t make you more or less happy ~ happiness comes from within and the enjoyment of what you have already.
3. Stacey, don’t put the dreams of other people before your own. You deserve your own energy and to work toward your goals. Don’t put shit off because other people’s shit is in the way.
4. Stacey, buy the boobs earlier. You’ve wanted them since you were a teenager and should’ve done it earlier…re-read #3 above.
5. Stacey, there’s so much value in renting. No maintenance, no entanglements, more freedom – there’s nothing wrong with not owning a home or wanting to buy another home.
6. Stacey, there’s also nothing wrong with not being super career-oriented; for wanting a life that’s full time with a job that’s part-time. Re-read #3 above.
7. Stacey, don’t let other people influence your financial goals. You may not think it can happen but it does ~ even if we think we aren’t, we are influenced by those we spend the most time with. We are products of who we are around, what we listen to, what we read and watch.
8. Stacey, don’t stress shop for clothing and other items that you may not need. Instead, book trips and see new places. Seek experiences – not things.
9. Stacey, don’t give up on your interest in ceramics and pottery! (What I’d give to have gotten more into that in high school and carry that interest through adulthood. Taking a pottery class is something on my adult bucket-list.)
10. Stacey, don’t entertain attention from those you aren’t seeking it from. It’s a huge time waste and all it does is create chaos and drama. (Looking at you directly, Stacey in her mid-20’s.)
11. Stacey, harass your mother to teach you how to crochet so when she’s gone from the world you can keep up her habit of making afghans for those she loves. (This is also on my adult bucket-list for the winter.)
12. Stacey, don’t ever be afraid of the word “no”. It won’t hurt you and it’s better than a question mark.
13. Stacey, always choose kindness over being right. You don’t have to fight every battle to win ~ you will not be able to change everyone’s mind and it isn’t even your job to. You also do not need to attend every argument you’re invited to or provide a comment in response to every comment received. Silence can be such a powerful answer – do not be afraid to use that.
14. Stacey, you’re going to have so many different chapters of your life and one will not be like the other. Look back at the previous chapter with kind and forgiving eyes; look back and pick out what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown from then. Heal that trauma and don’t carry it around with you.
15. Stacey, don’t be afraid to love. Don’t be afraid of other’s love. Don’t be afraid.